Hostage Situation

I wonder if there's a SWAT team for being held hostage by a cat. There should be. It would give them a new image, that's for sure. They come barreling in (hut hut hut) in full gear carrying toys for the cat to swat at, while you run away. Get it? SWAT team? Heh. I'm sure you're wondering how I could possibly be held hostage by one little house kitty. After all, I'm in and out of people's homes all the time. I deal with hundreds of cats and dogs every month including some dogs that aren't really sure they want me to be there. In fact, I was only in this house to walk the dog. I didn't even need to go anywhere near the cat! But there I was, at the top of the stairs with the door shut wondering how I was going to get down the stairs with the door open but without the cat attacking me. Let's start from the beginning.

Deuce is a big, happy boxer that needed to go potty while his mom and dad were out for the night. I had to check the water for the cat but he had plenty of food and his litter box had already been done. I went upstairs from the garage and took Deuce for a nice walk. When I brought him back for snuggles and pets (his favorite), I noticed the cat giving me the stink eye. Well, cats just give stink eye right? Probably nothing. As I walked through the apartment he stalked me. Weird, but not overly concerning. When I crossed out of the kitchen he launched from the floor onto my leg, holding on with his teeth. I yelped in surprise and pain and shook him off my leg. I turned to face him and we squared off. He wanted to come at me again but wasn't willing to do it while I was staring him down. I backed out of the room and shut the door and called his mom. He had never done that before. Hmmm. He was on the other side of the door yowling. Mom could hear him. I managed to get in and check his water, patted Deuce on the head (who had no interest in getting in the middle of this showdown), and backed out again. Easy peasy right? One thing though, the litter box is at the bottom of the stairs. The door to exit is also at the bottom. I have to open the door at the top of the stairs and get down the stairs to get away from Beelzecat before he launched at my head. Which is exactly what he tried to do every time I opened the door. I called the trainer I worked with. She gave me a few (ultimately useless) suggestions to get out. Eventually, I grabbed a plastic bag full of plastic bags and a baseball bat. I got down as low as I could and cracked the door enough for him to sneak through. I was halfway down the stairs when he ran in and chased me. He leapt at my face and I threw the plastic bags at him, turned and sprinted down the stairs. I made it! Kitty foiled! I could still hear him yowling on the other side of the door. I told mom that I made it, 45 minutes after his initial attack, and limped home where I soaked my wounds and marveled at what I weird life I have.

Epilogue: Mom was actually a friend and I went back to see if he was the same or if he was weirded out because mom and dad weren't home. He stalked me the whole time and hissed if I got within a few feet. They have since moved but he's still a stalker of pet sitters. Now that they know, though, they can be prepared!